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    Well, she did it again!  Another Saturday afternoon visit from the police over the noise.  This time at 2:00pm.  Once again, the police stated that they couldn't hear anything, but that she had called.  At what point do they start refusing to come out?  It would seem to me that they would say something to her about it.  I told them that I was at my wit's end and I didn't know what to do.

    I'm still not sure what kind of dik-dik Elvis had, but I imagine it was a blue-shoed, black headed dik-dik!  There was even a dance that Kevin and I called the Dik-Dik Shuffle.  All the trendy people knew it.  I once saw Robert Downey Jr. doing it at Studio 57, back in the late nineties.  I picked up the new Rage Against The Machine CD and it had a cover of Street Fighting Man by the Rolling Stones!  It also had a cover of MC5's song Kick Out The Jams.

    Just as I started finishing my latest project at work, I get three more assigned.  It looks like I'll be working on part of the Electrolux website!  That will be lots of fun!  I can hide links to other websites there!  I'll keep you posted as to how that goes!  Speaking of websites, Chris, what's the status on the "Big Ugly Funpage"?

    Christmas is just around the corner!  I did actually put a tree up this year!  It's about a foot tall and was decorated when I pulled it out of the bag.  I gave it to my mom a couple years ago when she was in the hospital for surgery, so at least I was the one to decorate it.  I started wrapping presents tonight too.  I've already found one more present that I need to get.  I would hate to forget Conway!  I'll get him the same thing I always get him.  Dinner.  Speaking of feeding the hungry, here is a suggestion: Go to http://www.thehungersite.com and help feed the hungry around the world.  It's probably the best idea I've come across on the net.  You pull the site up, click on the "Donate Free Food" button, click on a banner advertisement and the company you click on pays for the advertisement by donating money to feed the hungry.  There are other charities you can help out from this site too.  Check out the tabs across the top of the page.  Perfect for this 'giving' time of year and you don't have to deal with people calling you all the time wanting more and selling your phone number to all the other charities, etc...  I get calls from every charity on the planet now!  Everyone from the Virginia State Police Association, to the National Arbor Day Foundation to the World Wildlife Foundation.  All because I donated some money to get one of those State Police Association stickers and hopefully get fewer speeding tickets and more warnings.  It didn't work and I get people calling me at 9:30 in the morning on Saturdays.  I guess that will teach me.  I was also shopping online at uncommongoods.com and found a coat hanger that looks like an arm sticking out of your wall.  I like this site!  Wish I had found it sooner!

Random Rambling Reader Replies:
There were no replies from the last Rambling!  I guess I need to be more provocative!  I guess everyone is busy with the whole Christmas season goings-on.

    Have any of you guys seen Battlebots?  Home made robots battling to the end!  It definitely appeals to my nerdy testosterone!  It's better than wrestling, cause it is real and you can watch a twelve year old girl totally destroy some burly man's monstrous construction with her lady bug looking robot.  I love it!

So, do we have a president yet?  Geez, this has turned into such a fiasco.  I just wanted to say fiasco!  Another one of those fun to say words!  I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you all have a wonderful week!

    As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html

    Random Ramblings 11!  Prepare yourself for random ramblization!

    Congratulations to Charlie and Beth on the birth of their son Sidney Jarrod Dolinger.  So is it Lightnin' Daddy Charlie now?

    How does Doan's pills know which muscles are back muscles?  With these knots in my neck, this is a question that's becoming more important to me daily.  I got the new Floating Men: Bootleg IV, Live At The Belcourt Theater CD.  It's from their 10-year anniversary weekend, back in September.  An excellent disc all around!  It was and amazing weekend and the CD is a cool reminder to have.

    No police have showed up in over a week now, but I did get a call from the maintenance guy.  Seems that when I wash dishes, the pipes leak through her ceiling.  I swear I had nothing to do with that and no, that's not a pipe wrench in my pocket.  And yes, I do dishes.  Everytime I shower, I throw some in tub.  Speaking of getting soaked, we finally have a president.  Yipee.

    Christmas is almost here and I still have no idea what to get my dad.  Maybe a little golf something.  Beats me, I'm drawing a blank.  I mentioned a DVD player to him and he didn't even know what it was.  Speaking of Christmas, Blue Rapture had their Christmas party this weekend and it was a blast!  I made some stuffed mushroom caps and I got everyone those little guns that shoot the rubber stoppers, so I'm sure our hosts will be finding those stoppers all over the house for months!  After the party, we all loaded up to go to Gatsby's to see Yukon Corneleus play.  A wonderful night all around!!!  I also saw the new Mel Gibson movie 'What Women Want' this weekend.  I found it very entertaining.  It's obviously a chick flick (with a name like that, is there any doubt), and I felt all sensitive and crap afterward.  I also got to watch a special on The Learning Channel, about Elvis impersonators.  Funny stuff!  It seems that some of the Elvii (as they collectively refer to themselves) have a little chip on their shoulders.  This one guy was the spitting image of the young Vietnam era Elvis.  He would grow a beard, so he didn't resemble him so much and people would tell him that he looked like Elvis with a beard.  I guess that would get old after a while.  I know I get tired of people telling me I look like an out of shape Rick Schroder.  Silver Spoons era of course.

Random Rambling Reader Replies:
Charlie:

Hello Uncle Keith,
Our little hunka boy is here! His name is Sidney Jarrod and he was born Dec. 5, healthy and well. He and his mom are doing fine. Beth had a pretty tough time, though, and had to deliver by caesarian. It's just been an amazing experience getting him home and getting to know him. He's a real good-natured baby - he sleeps and eats and looks around. Dog's life. Oh, and pees and poops. He's real good-looking (like his momma) and bald-headed (like his daddy). But while his is on it's way in, mine is on it's way out! Anyway, we wanted to let you know that you've got another rambler on your list.
Also, about your neighbor ~ if you get (or are already) mad enough to fight cops with plops, come by and I'll give you a bagful of some smelly, yellow-poop diapers to leave on her doorstep. With my compliments. Maybe giftwrapped with a note attached saying "Don't open 'til Christmas". I respect your deference to the old bag because of her age, but don't kid yourself ~ she was probably always a stuck-up, bitchy, music-hating asshole. Damn the torpedos, boy.
kef:  Welcome Sidney!  I'm very happy for your arrival and also that you and your mother are both doing well.  Any stories you hear about me from mom and dad are not true!  It wasn't me!

Hey cuz, Glad to see you are sticking to yer guns. I like the ramble thing (thats thang for all you mountain folk) going and it is actually pretty good reading to let us down here in Fl whats up in the mountains. I am sorry to hear that Rage against the machine has broken up.... I think that they were a forerunner to bands like Koran and LIMP B.
I hope everything is going good for the family up there. My mom has not complained about anything for a while. I'm taking that as a good sign....
NO THIS IS NOT A PLUG
Our website is just about done...We are gonna have some short movie clips of things we are working on here. The first movie series we are working on is based on a group of guys that are caught up in the 70's during present time.  All they do is drink, smoke, and play. That's all I can say without ruining the 1st clip. Launch is going to be the first, hopefully, We are also working on an animation or two for the site.
I am finally a MASTER....graduate the end of this month, seems like I've been at it my whole life....wait I guess I have.....sucks...
kef:  Hey cuz!  Congratulations on your graduation!  However, I will not refer to you as Master Jeff!  I'll leave that to Maria!  Rage Against The Machine broke up?  That's news to me!  I'm looking forward to checking out the site when you get it all together.  Sounds like fun!

Hey!! Sounds like the neighbor thing is getting out of hand!!! Maybe the Harassment order is not such a far off idea!! Gotta live nice together...talk to ya soon!
kef:  It's starting to sound like the thing to do.  I've not been visited this weekend, so it's been a welcome break, but I'm all paranoid now. I think she's suffering from cranial-rectal inversion.

As a former social worker - I can help you put an end to the harrassment.  first and foremost - document everything.  Everytime the police come. keep a log of dates, times, witnesses, etc., get the officer's names, and try to get them to sign something saying there isnt any noise.  Ask the apt manager for the old woman's next of kin or emergency contact - try to call and complain to them - and document what you've tried.  With enough documentation you can proceed to the most evil step - call adult protective services (I don't actually know what its called in Virginia, but you can figure it out) File a report. Be sure to use phrases such as "a danger to self and others", unable to care for self" - ie. she's obviously delusional (paranoid) and probably psychotic (having auditory hallucinations). she's called the officers so many times, they arent going to respond in the case of a true emergency. Fax them your log, and keep calling and pestering them. They will eventually have to come out and make an evaluation (don't let them tell you otherwise). Once the system gets rolling, it's all downhill after that. She will be in a nursing home or ACR bound.  Guaranteed to stop the harassment. (The woman that used to live next door to my mom used to call the police constantly and tell them my mom was trying to kill her.  My mom refused to do anything. Finally they came and took both of them away, one of the rescue squad guys was puking over the rail b/c the inside of the trailer was so bad by that time!) Needless to say, any other odd behavior should be documented as well. (BTW, didnt you used to go out w/ someone related to the old women?) anyway, gotta get back to the grind.  This won't provide instant relief, but the getting even will be really good in the end!
cya
michelle
kef:  I am glad I'm not on your bad side!  The only hitch I see to your plan is the fact that there is a social worker that comes a couple times a week.  I think it's something to do with her handicapped daughter.  Still, it may be my best bet.  And no, I did not go out with anyone related to her.  It was the grand-daughter of the lady across the hall from her, and they all still like me.  My shiny disposition and debonair charm won them over.  Ha!

    As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html

    Random Ramblings 12!  The first ever Christmas edition!

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the apartment,
The hula girl wiggled and I wondered where my cup went!

I stumbled around looking for my drink,
I was so confused I didn't know what to think!

I looked out the window and what did appear?
Not a sleigh nor jolly man nor even a reindeer

But gray hair, glasses and a wrinkly rear
A haggard old lady, my worst fear!

She climbed my steps with such a clatter,
But I honestly didn't care what was the matter.

She knocked and she rang and knocked some more
For so long and hard I feared for my door!

It finally abated and she went away
I'm sure she'll come to annoy me another day.

For now all is quiet in my world again
'Til I fire up the CD, whale songs, at 4 am.

I giggled and laughed and heed and hawed
As the humpback and sperm whales sang their songs

Off with the light and off with the television
By the window in darkness I take up my position

I wait for the cops to arrive on the expected call
Before stopping the sounds, shaking the wall

I rubbed my eyes red and let them adjust to the dark
I watched the cops as they pulled in and parked

When the expected knock finally came
I turned on my brightest light and winced in pain

I opened my door and mumbled to them
"What's going on?  Not the old lady again"

"She must be nuts!  I'm in bed
I think she's lost it!  Crazy in the head!"

Embarrassed, they apologized and left straight away
I closed the door and grinned, it made my day.

As they pulled out I yelled, loud and shrill
"MERRY CHRISTMAS WENCH, NOW TAKE A PILL!"

    It's been a wild weekend and I've got the next two days off work!!!  So far I've gotten 3 CD blues set, The Princess Bride on DVD and a CD of acoustic music guitar music.  Yay me!  I've got the Christmas lights blinking, the presents wrapped, I'm all together ready.  For a change!  You may be wondering about the hula girl references in this edition of the Ramblings.  I got one of those wobbly hula girl dashboard statues on my computer now.  I'm trying to come up with a good Hawaiian name for her, but I don't know any.

    I saw some guy walking up the street today in a Santa costume.  He was waving to all the cars and acting all jolly and stuff.  Maybe I'm getting old and soft, but I liked it.  I thought that was a pretty cool thing to be doing.  I even waved back.

    Idiot that I am, I messed up good this time!  I realized yesterday that I'm out of checks!  Looks like I'll have to go to the bank and get some of those standby checks to last me.  What a bonehead thing to do.  I thought I had a whole new box.  Oops.

Random Rambling Reader Replies:
Again, there were no replies this week.

    New Years is corning up, so everybody tell me what your new years resolution was for last year!  That should be fun!  Well, Santa should be here soon, so I'm cutting out early again!  Merry Christmas to all of you.  I hope you all get at least one really cool toy!

    As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html