Click the Rambling you wish to read

    It's 2001; somehow it seems so lackluster.  I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and great New Year!  I skipped last week, since I was in Chattanooga, bringing in the New Year with Jeff Black and the Floating Men.  Thank you Lisa for handling the hotel reservations for me!  I looked for you before I left, but you had disappeared!  I also called your room the next morning, but there wasn't an answer.  The drive home was uneventful until I reached Knoxville.  I stopped off at a mall to take a break from driving and after a while, they started closing it down due to the weather.  I went out to my car and found out what they were talking about!  A big bad snowstorm was coming through.  It got a little nasty coming home, but I finally rolled in around 8:30 that night.

    I've all but lost my voice from coughing.  My chest is congested, but I really feel fine.  Been smoking a lot less now and I even purchased a cool water humidifier from Wal-Mart.  No real change so far.  Anybody have any more suggestions?

    A warm hello and welcome to a new subscriber!  It's April Duncan, a cousin of mine on my father's side of the family.  I guess I can't talk bad about them anymore.  Wrong!  April is going to college up in Indiana.  I guess she got the major portion of the brains on that end of my gene pool.  April, you got some catchin' up to do!  Who's gonna play you in the movie, favorite movies, etc...  Glad to have ya, but I'll deny everything!

    I had no idea how true my little 'Night Before Christmas' parody would be!  Police showed up here on another noise complain at 9am on Christmas morning!  Can you possibly imagine how pissed I am?  I was listening to my acoustic Jeff Black CD while I got dressed and I had turned everything off and had my coat on to leave when the officers knocked.  I got the classifieds today and found some cheaper apartment to check out, but if I do decide to move, I'll really irritate her before I go.

    Tonight I watched a special on the giant blue fin tuna.  I had no idea how huge those things got.  I guess that explains the whole 'giant' thing in their name.  Now there is a special on an Amazonian tribe that used to be headhunters and cannibals.  Yippee!  And Japanese construction workers building skyscrapers using bamboo scaffolds!  You can do anything with that stuff!

Random Rambling Reader Replies:
Jeff:

Merry Christmas, cuz. This was a very good Christmas for all down here in Fl. Julia's first Christmas, she made out like a bandit. Funny thing is that I don't remember ever having a Christmas this good and when faced with all of the gifts that she received, those that could fit in her mouth were her favorite. It sure is a far cry from the days of praying you would find an Ultra Man figurine or Kiss album under the tree (both of which are very fond memories). But all is good, to see my child start out what I hope to be many Christmas mouthing events to come.
kef:  I still got that Kiss album!  It was Love Gun!  I can't believe my parents bought me an album called Love Gun!

Hey-I loved your rendition of the night before Christmas-you are evil.  I didn't do a resolution last year and I won't do one this year either. I always let myself down, so I just decided to not put myself through the fucking agony.
kef:  You know, I didn't bother with a resolution this year either.

Loved it!  I wonder if she understands the severity of the situation she has escalated.  As far as a name for your new room mate, how about Kumoniwannalaya from Ilikalotalay Island?  My cool toy was a Dremel tool.  I've already cut, sanded, routered, and basically Dremelled everything in the house.  New Year resolution?  Hadn't given it much thought.
kef:  I got a Dremel this year too!  I want to engrave some glass with it.  I've still not named the wobbly hula girl.  She may not get a name.  Maybe I'll just call her the Wobbly Hula Girl.

2. Droopy is Tuff!  When he whips your ass, he does so with his bare hand.  Bugs is too weak for such activities.  Instead, he slaps you a couple times then uses baseball bats, boards and various other weapons.

3. Bugs will often display aberrant sexual behavior.  Cross-dressing and going from female rabbits to males of a totally different species!  Who knows what diseases he has spread around from his constant chasing of those she-rabbits and his passionate kissing on male humans, such as Elmer Fudd, or even more disgustingly, Yosemite Sam as well as a host of others!  This doesn't even take into consideration, his occasional foray with one Daffy Duck!  Have you ever wondered why Mr. Fudd often refers to him as "That SCREWY rabbit!"?  I believe it's obvious if you think about it.

4. Look at those teeth!  Oversized, even for a rabbit.

5. Droopy is honest.  He will tell you, very clearly, what makes him mad.  Bugs doesn't have an honest bone in his dull gray body.  He will look you in the eyes and say "Sure Mac, No problem".  Knowing full well that it is a problem, and that he will be seeking retribution.

6. Bugs provides errant ideas involving personal beauty.  He's unusually tall for a rabbit, slim, big eyes, large ears, huge feet and perhaps most damaging, four fingers.  Rabbits don't have fingers!  He is obviously trying to imitate the human form.  Droopy is all dog!  No question here!  Same number of digits on his hands and feet as every other dog.  He even has a few extra pounds around the middle.  No unattainable perceptions of beauty here!  He allows each of us to accept our bodies, no matter what shape and size.

7. What's the deal with those dainty white gloves?  It seems to me that he does not wish to leave fingerprints at the crime scenes!  What, with all those carrot tops lying about, there is no question as to the culprit!

8. What's he always smiling about?  Obviously, he is on some form of medication.  We never see him take anything, so we must assume it's an illegal substance of some sort.  Why else hide it?  Droopy would never touch such foul substances.  His moods are genuine, natural and appropriate to the situation.

    As always, I hope you enjoyed it!  Think good thoughts and have a grand week!

    As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html

    Random Ramblings 14 is here and I've got this strange restless feeling.  I want to do something exciting; I just don't know where to start.

    Tonight I saw the new Sandra Bullock movie with Vanessa and I loved it!  Great for a laugh and I just know that one day she will call me to profess her undying love and express her desire to bear my children.

    Unfortunately for those who actually have to hear me, my voice is back and can now talk at length.  Just like before!  I had a very good chat with April tonight.  I think we talked more tonight than we ever had in our lives!  Not that I don't think we would have, but there just isn't any privacy at our shared grandparents house.  I'm glad to get to know the real person.  April, you gotta use that digital camera to send me a picture of yourself for the website.  Don't make me get one from the grandparents' house!  I'm sure mom has some stashed away too!

    Thursday, I helped Debbie put together enlargers for the photo lab at VHCC!  I look forward to actually being able to use them!  I want to learn a new hobby, so I can spend my money on more stuff I don't really need and have no room for.  Maybe I can turn one of my closets into a really small dark room!

    I also tried my hand at dying sun-bleached curtains this week too.  They turned out pretty good, but I'm gonna give 'em another dye job this week.  I just a regular Suzie Craftmaker!  I'll have to break out the hot glue gun next and make door wreaths out of old Mountain Dew cans!  To top it off, I shave all the facial hair off, but it's almost back now.

Random Rambling Reader Replies:
Michelle:

A couple of well-placed calls to social services and the police visitations will stop! As for the coughing, it tooks over six weeks for me to stop waking myself up at night coughing! i got the humidifier thing as well.  Sorry i missed everyone for christmas, we were only in a couple of days - of course the busiest days for everyone.  I do have some news....i'm expecting a baby around the middle of june (no its not coming from super walmart) anyway, back to the grind. please tell everyone hello for me.
michelle
kef:  I hope you don't mind my putting this in the newsletter!  I figured that if you did, you would have said "And don't put it in that stupid newsletter!".  Anyway, congratulations!!!

It's good to hear from someone back home, these yankees are drivin' me nuts...hope you're feelin' better, can't think of any remedies right off...btw: it's so cruel to ask someone to name just 5 favorite movies, so it's gonna take a while on that one...well thermodynamics calls (yak)...later  ~ april
kef:  I caught a lot of flack over the 5 favorite movies thing!  You move to yankee land, ya gotta expect to have to deal with the yankees.  Thermodynamics?  Would that include the effect of geothermal elements on natural and/or man-made structures?

    On the bright side, the first new season episode of the Dennis Miller show on, and the Bristol police have not been around since Christmas!  This is my life, my isn't it exciting?  I'm gonna listen to some Tommy James and the Shondells and go to bed now.

    I hope you enjoyed it!  Enjoy the week and be kind to your pets!

    As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html

    Random Ramblings 15 and I'm as giddy as a troop of girl scouts on a field trip to the cookie factory!  It's late again, but better late than never.  Maybe...  As I sit down to write these things, I have no clue what I'm gonna type, so it's more random than what I ever thought.  Ok, so I never really thought about it that much.

    This week I've been listening to Meatloaf's Paradise By The Dashboard Light, Tommy James And The Shondells' Draggin' The Line and Violent Femmes' Kiss Off among others.  Who knows what next week will bring.  I'm already starting to gravitate towards Rolling Stones and Supersuckers!  While we're talking music, Chris has a new website for the alt.country, insurgent country, radical hillbilly lifestyle.  You can check it out at http://nrsounds.terrashare.com/ .  I'm a huge fan of the alt.country style of music.  Uncle Tupelo, Jayhawks, Steve Earle, Golden Smog, V-Roys, etc...  I always carry some with me on my cross country excursions.  By way of contrast, I'm really enjoying the 'Alice Cooper Behind The Music' on VH-1 one tonight.  You know you're getting old when you have switched from Mtv to VH-1.  At least that's what I thought when I was younger and watching Mtv.  But I think most people would agree that Mtv has changed.  Seeing music videos on Mtv now is like spotting wild panda bears roaming the woods outside Abingdon.  Not totally and completely impossible, but not very likely.  I just got an urge to hear Steve Earle's song Devil's Right Hand.

    Debbie is all happy that Urban Cowboy has "finally been recognized for it's greatness".  Somebody get this girl some help!  All because VH-1 is having a John Travolta Saturday.

    I took Tuesday off work and got absolutely nothing constructive done.  Leeann visited Monday and we went out to O'Charlie's to reminisce over old times, which explains the need for vacation Tuesday.  It seems that much of our time hanging out was spent doing the impossible.  Things like putting 4 and 5 people in a Yugo.  Many of the stories are much funnier looking back than they were while experiencing them and many more will remain as unsolved cases for the local sheriff's department.  Running from a Mustang driving gang of redneck's in a Yugo is not something I would suggest anybody try.  I think the Yugo got a boost from my adrenal glands and somehow we survived.  Of course we wouldn't be running from them had Leeann not blasted them with a supersoaker!  I must admit, it was a beautiful shot and well worth the beer bottle that bounced off my hood.  At that moment of time, I realized the true weight of the word 'Mortality'!  All in all, these are memories that I wouldn't trade for anything!

    I spoke of cross country excursions earlier and as coincidence would have it, I've got another trip to Nashville planned.  Jeff Black is playing a benefit for Alive Hospice at the Bluebird.  It's a solo acoustic show and I can't wait!  I wish he would get the new CD released.  I've heard most of the new songs and they are amazing.  It may be possible to catch the show on the internet at http://www.liveonthenet.com.  They have a live video stream from the bluebird every night, but it looks like they are only broadcasting the early show, which is not Jeff Black.  You have to register and get a password to use the service, so you may want to sign up ASAP.

    The Floating Men will be at the Casbah in Johnson City on Feb 3rd, so start making your plans now!  Pat has already indicated that he intends to make the trip in for this performance, so I guess I should start preparing for the next visit from Bristol's finest!  Not that I'm blaming him, he's just my excuse for misbehaving!  As far as the Floating Men are concerned, their new CD is now available.  This one promises to be a milestone for them.  A more focused musical and lyrical direction.  In the recent past, they experimented with different styles and were able to pull them off, but the focused approach packs more punch.

    I got my quarterly bill from 3rd Wave the other day.  For those who don't know, they are my internet provider.  They were trying to charge me $140!  I about dropped a load in my pants on the spot!  That was a pretty big increase, besides the fact that I have been getting disconnected way too often!  So I sent out a couple emails and I'm waiting for a response.  So far, my connection has gotten better, but that's still too much to pay.  I may end up on one of those free deals and having to let the websites go.  That would suck, but if I have to, I will.

    Well, my cousin April has finally sent me a photo to put on the rambling website, but has yet to select a actress for her role in the movie and no top 5 movies list.  Next week we get to see who I pick for her!  These last couple weeks, I've been chatting with her over the internet and it's been quite entertaining.  She keeps bragging on the big T3 connection to the internet.  Eat it up while you can, one day, you too will walk among us regular people again.

Random Rambling Reader Replies:
Jeff:

Pal, all this talk about a website. Every issue I hear "website" yet, unfortunately, I see no link to the website on your news letter. This may be a good idea. As this letter of yours expands and draws in more victims, it would be nice to have a little respect for your query and give them and all American link for mindless navigation.
kef:  Ok, alright already!  http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html is the link to official Random Ramblings website.  There, are ya happy now?

As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at: http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html