The sixteenth edition of Random Ramblings! Doesn't it seem like this has been going on longer? Tonight is the Superbowl and here I sit watching 'Totally Out Of Control Vehicles' on Discovery. Wow! It's starting off with aircraft. Chris, if I ever get back up there to visit, I probably will be driving!
Ok, being a single hetro male, I was tempted by those 'Girls Gone Wild' videos. I'm not above admitting it. I'm a guy and I like the female body. For our female readers, I'll not go into the sweaty details. These videos promise lots of young college girls 'bearing it all'. Woo Hoo! There goes my testosterone level through the roof! But I swear, if I see that stupid damn freakin' idiotic commercial again, I'm gonna puke! They're spending so much on advertising that I can't imagine how they are going to turn a profit! And there is no doubt in my mind at all, that any and every person who has ever purchased these tapes, experienced a disappointment so intense that the void left in their lives could suck a black hole inside out. And that Jarrod guy from the Subway commercials is starting to annoy me too. Great, he lost a bunch of weight. I'm happy for him. But how many laxatives did he take at the same time?
My excursion to Nashville went well. I made it down and back without any problems and had lots of fun. There weren't many people at the Bluebird, but since it was a weeknight, nobody was really surprised. Jeff played my favorite song of his called 'Persephone'. Everyone I've spoken with agrees that it is a very sensual and somewhat erotic song, without being vulgar. Which is pretty amazing anyway.
I've got still another trip to Nashville planned. This one is coming up for the end of February and first of March. I'm heading back for the Floating Men's CD release party and shows. The plan is to probably head down on a Wed., party Thursday, catch the shows Friday and Saturday and I'll most likely come back on Sunday. An action packed weekend, to be certain.
The Superbowl is starting, and Ray Charles is doing the national anthem. I've never seen so many people swaying to the national anthem before! Ray is kicking it! They even had a stealth bomber fly by! Then one of those boy bands sang the national anthem again. They just looked sad after Ray. The new Survivor show comes on tonight after the big bowl game. It's the Australian outback this time and maybe a big croc will eat one of them! That's something to look forward to! So far, the best Superbowl commercial is the Running Of The Squirrels. Oops, the "What Are You Doing" commercial just knocked out the squirrels. I wonder how many people watch this, just to see the commercials. I'll bet the percentage is scary. Well, sorry Pat, April and anyone else rooting for the Giants. Losers! I just heard an interview with a rugby player who described getting kicked in the crotch. The swelling was so bad that he had to be drained. Ouch! Remind me not to ever make fun of rugby or rugby players. Obviously a tough bunch.
I've still not heard anything about my bill from 3rd Wave. I sent another email out today, so maybe I'll find out something soon. Hurry up and wait.
Random Rambling Reader Replies:
Jeff:
Although not entirely finished, you can check out our webpage at: http://www.phatdodo.comApril:
kef: Nice site. I enjoyed the animation for Shiny Beltbuckle Man, that you sent me! Overall, it's a killer start! The site looks cool, but the downloads need work. I'm excited to see the finished product.
okay, so maybe all I've really learned from going away to college is how to be a slacker... there's nothing like the rush of waiting till the last minute to get things done... so with that said, since you were going to chose for me, I've finally decided on someone to play me in the movie: Drew Barrymore ... and also here are my top 5 movies:Leeann:
1) Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
2) The Wizard of Oz
3) Rocket Man - not Rocketeer
4) Love Affair
5) ANY James Bond Movie
And the whole T3 thing you had coming to you with all that talk about seeing Jeff Black this week ...and that bit about chatting with me being "quite entertaining" ... why does everyone keep sayin' that!?!?
kef: Thank God, not Rocketeer! I've never even heard of a couple of your choices, but we all know that popularity does not denote quality. I guess most of us learned to be a slacker in college. It's a required course.
I've got a supersucker cd you need to hear! One of the songs is "how to maximize you kill count" (nothing else needs to be said!) and "she's my bitch" ( I've never met the guys but somehow they know me!) Also, you don't need to tell our tales because the Washington County Police may link in and read and you get picked up- keep in mind at that time I was a minor! You were the adult (by age definition only) HAHAThis weeks movie rentals were Scary Movie and Way Of The Gun. Scary Movie was as stupidly funny as you probably imagined and not any better. Way Of The Gun was like a very funny Reservoir Dogs. I can't believe there is gonna be a sequel to Blair Witch! That's just too sad. Almost as sad as the fact that Steven Segal has another movie coming out.
kef: I've had that CD, but it disappeared, so I had to replace it. The one I got has those as well as their rap song 'Dead Homiez' and the rockin' 'Doublewide'. This week turned out to be a week of Buffalo Tom, Supersuckers and V-Roys. I've kept Buffalo Tom in the car almost exclusively and I keep listening to their song Enemy. By the way, you were right! The more I watch Mtv's Jackass, the more it reminds me of life at your parent's house.
Have you seen the advertisements for the Razor scooters with an engine? One whole horsepower! I just found a cheaper way to get to work! I'll be crusin' Bristol on that bad boy! Racing mustangs and trans-ams, running from the police and raisin' hell! I want some hot rod flames on mine!
I hope you enjoyed it and remember to be kind to rugby players!
As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at: http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html
Ok, I've been accused of slacking on the Ramblings! So, never one to show weakness, here is the newest GRANDE edition of the newsletter you've all grown to groan about. I aim to please.
What can I say? Saturday night was the Floating Men and I've ran on and on about them before. Pat, Jan, Debbie, various other acquaintances and myself were all in attendance. Highlights were... Well, I don't really remember the highlights, but I'm sure there were plenty. Ok, I wasn't that bad! The Men put on a rockin' show for a packed house. As it turns out, Jan has an affinity for kamikazes and was more than happy to share her enthusiasm with her newfound friends. Needless to say, the following morning was harsh. Very very harsh. But I woke up smiling, none the less.
Congratulations Lori! Lori gave birth to a beautiful little boy a few weeks ago and I finally got to see him the other day. His name is Ian Joshua, but his unofficial name is Mullen. Lori wanted to name him Mullen, but was talked out of it and regrets it now. If this keeps up, I'll double the number of recipients within six months! I'll not make any comments about the sex-drives of my friends, ya bunch a freaks. The Ramblings haven't been around long enough to take the blame either. The rest of us better be extra careful, it must be something in the water!
Last week didn't get much better as it went along! After getting called in to work Saturday and Sunday, I also worked til Midnight Tuesday and a few extra hours here and there through the week. It's enough to make me want to move to California and be the houseguest for a retired sports figure! I've been practicing my lines "I heard a 'thump' sound outside my window around 10pm and everything was quiet after that." Of course I'd let that southwestern Virginia accent flow, so everyone would assume I was just another dumb country boy, trying to make the big time as an actor. What they don't know is that I have no desire to be an actor. Actors have to memorize lines and stuff. Not that the movie industry is going to last long out there! By now, you have all heard about the electricity shortage? California can't produce enough power for it's own cities and that's pretty funny. You can't have 'Lights, Cameras, Action!' without lights and cameras! They'll just end up with a lot of useless action (you can insert your own sexual remarks here)! California is buying electricity from neighboring states and trying to buy from Mexico. Mexico, a third world country, supplying power to major cities in the U.S.! If you can't produce enough power for your own population, then you're too big for your own good. Move some of those people back to the mid-west. Turn the spot lights off some of the letters on the HOLLYWOOD sign. One spotlight at an angle would get most of it! Wouldn't this whole California/electricity situation be a convenient excuse to annex Mexico? I'm guessing that Mexico's general populace wouldn't mind, so all we gotta do is find some reason to topple the government. There could be another Noriega incident and the CIA investigation would find corruption on all levels of government. The only humanitarian thing for the US to do for our fine neighbors, would be to adopt Mexico as the newest state. Remember, you heard it hear first, but if some guys in sunglasses and black suits ask, I'm an 85 year old lady, living in Sweden. Otherwise, you can just call me NostroKefMus. Not only would this plan eliminate over half of the illegal immigrants in this country, as they would be citizens now, but think about all those damn factories that moved to Mexico to get out of taxes and take advantage of cheap labor!
I checked the mail this afternoon and what do I find? An invoice for $796.53 for a pallet of nails. Hmmm... That's odd. I don't remember buying nails and I'm pretty sure I would remember buying 800 freaking dollars worth of nails! So I call these people and here is the deal. On December 19, 2000, someone named Keith Fields placed an order by phone for a pallet of nails. This 'Evil' Keith Fields, instructed them to send the nails to Pump House Supply in Grundy, Va COD. They sent the nails via Consolidated Freightways as instructed by this 'Evil' Keith. The problems was that 'Evil' Keith (I'm gonna refer to him as EK from here on out) didn't leave money to cover the cost of COD and this Pump House Supply refused the order. But wait! It gets deeper! Consolidated Freightways shipped the order back to the sender, who is located in Topeka, Ks. So far, this isn't all that odd. I'm sure this kind of stuff happens all the time, but here is where it gets weird. Laura in Topeka gets on the trusty computer and the only Keith Fields she is able to locate, happens to be me. Obviously, she didn't look too hard, I found 4 in the state of Virginia, myself! But Laura sends me the invoice and a letter stating that I'm liable for their expenses. She says she ran a search against the phone number EK gave her and came up with my address and that's all the proof she needs. Forgive my skepticism. So anyway, I talk them into giving me the phone number that EK left with them and guess what? It isn't mine. The number appears to be for some other Fields person in Big Rock, VA. Now, maybe his name is Keith Something Fields or Something Keith Fields or maybe even Johnny I'mABigJackass Fields. I just don't care. I found this guys phone number, city and state, but I haven't been able to come up with a street address yet. I'm calling little miss Laura tomorrow and telling her she can try again, or not, but she can forget about getting anything out of me. I'm not really upset with Laura, she was trying to get results with what little (slightly flawed) information she had. She only copped a slight attitude with me, and I have to admit that I would have done the same thing, if I were her. But of course, I would have gotten the right person in the first place. Ya know, this does give me ideas concerning the old hag below me.... I wonder what she would do with a shipment of nails?
Speaking of the old hag! You guessed it! Thursday evening, I leave work to go bowling with Anthony and Scott. It turns out that Thursdays are a league night at the bowling alley and we can only bowl til 6pm. So we bowl a couple games and finish around 15 or 20 after 6pm, turn in our shoes and pay. We run our jaws a little bit, I take Anthony back to his car, which he left at work, and we run our jaws a little bit more (I know all this jaw running is a big surprise, me being the quiet one and all). I get home, try unsuccessfully to check my e-mail and discover that if I want to cook anything for dinner, I'll have to wash some dishes. So I'm washing dishes and I observe an officer pull in and park beside my car. I think to myself half jokingly, "I guess he'll be knocking on my door in a minute.". Well he did! It was just 7pm! I had not been home more than 10 minutes! The officer not only didn't hear any noise, he saw me doing dishes when he pulled up. I told him that I was getting highly upset with the complaints and about getting visited Christmas morning at 9am. He shook his head in disbelief and left. I've made it a point to be very friendly with the officers when they knock. They are just doing their jobs. But Granny just gave me more justification to continue my gurella warfare. I had slacked off for a week or so. She must have thought she sensed weakness and launched a counter attack. Unfortunately for her, it wasn't weakness, I had simply become bored with her, but now the excitement is back. It is time to break out the superball.
There were no Random Rambling Reader Replies this week. Actually, I'm sending this out from work and I don't have them with me, but isn't it long enough already?
I hope you enjoyed it and remember, you can run but you can't hide from Topeka's Wholesale Fastener Warehouse!
As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at: http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html
Compared to the last Rambling, this one is quite uneventful. Cops only showed up once, no more odd invoices in the mail, just an average couple of weeks. I realize that this will not last and I should enjoy it while I can.
Debbie and I have decided to open up an art gallery in Bristol. Bristol being the cultural Mecca that it is, we expect great success. We just need a location that won't charge us rent or some rich elderly person to finance it. It would be fun to work up different themes in addition to the standards. My favorite so far is what I'm calling the 'Humans' theme. You walk in and the only art you see is real people. Someone sitting in a chair reading, a couple kids playing in the floor, a teenager on the phone, elderly couple watching TV and dad sleeping in the recliner. Each with a little sign stating the birth dates, some misc. information and listing the parents as the artists. Of course we would bristle at having it described as 'Performance Art'. The people are not performing; they are simply doing what they always do. Another theme would be 'The Written Word'. I would display hand written stories and poetry hanging up instead of images. The images would be in the head of the reader as they ingested each 'piece'. A truly interactive show, as the viewer will be creating the images based on their own personal experience. And seasonal shows that focus on images from the season directly opposite of the current one. I considered 'People In Wal-Mart' and 'People In Court' shows, but I want to avoid lawsuits if possible. I'll have to think hard about that them. Another one that I just thought of would be 'Stereotypes'. Photos of each genre of human with the associated stereotypes greatly exaggerated. I would like to include the same people in 'Stereotype Reversal' images. I guess the best way to handle that would be in a series having each person photographed in the role of each of the different stereotypes and a final image of them as they are in reality. I'm trying to come up with some good names for the gallery too. So far, the favorite is '54 By 19'. It's in honor of a frame I can't find and when I had one priced, it was over $1000. And that was just a plain black wooden frame with Plexiglas. I also want Cuba Gooding Jr. to host the opening extravaganza!
Dad called me Saturday morning to go play golf and I didn't have the sense to say no! I didn't realize that it was cold out when he called at 9am and remembering how nice it was the day before, I agreed to go. I even packed some cold drinks! I nearly froze my butt off! Dad's excuse was that it wasn't that cold at his house. Yeah, but it wasn't that much warmer either! I'm getting chill bumps just from remembering how cold it was! I'm going to have to mount a thermometer outside my window, so I can check it before agreeing to go anywhere! If the temp is below 50, I'm not moving my butt. I did go see a band called Yukon Cornelius open for Agents of Good Roots Saturday night. Yukon put on a pretty good show, but those Agents guys were horrible! Bad attitudes mixed with bad music and not an ounce of humor to be found. Not a good combination. Yukon does a rocking version of the Willie Nelson gem 'Whiskey River', some soul music covers and a lot of originals. Good family fun for everyone! I also saw The Faults open for Yukon. The Faults are a new project from a couple members of the V-Roys. Most of their songs were pretty good.
Well, by the time I actually get this out, Valentines' Day will have come and gone. Hope you all had a great one. I was fairly oblivious to it, until the day of. Single at 30 really isn't as bad as I thought. That reminds me, I'm coming up on the 1-year anniversary of my breakup with S****! Party at my house! I guess sometimes I envy what appears to me as the comforts of married life. But we always envy what we don't have. It seems that my life doesn't lend it's self to a settled existence, but not having experienced a settled existence, I'm not really sure. Maybe that's part of the ongoing personal growth that I've not reached yet or maybe I just don't know what I'm missing. Speaking of travelling, yet another Nashville trip is coming! Ok, I'm sure you've heard enough about Nashville and me. I'm also being sent to Charlotte for training. The great and wonderful beings of Electrolux have decided that I need more training on the mainframe computer's database system. I'll not bore you or myself with the details of that one. I get sleepy thinking about it.
What a bummer! Dale Earnhart is dead. I know that none of you have escaped the endless coverage on this one. Please realize that I am not a fan of auto racing. I will not turn it on myself and I get sleepy when I'm around someone else watching it. My dad took me to one race as a child and I wasn't impressed. It made me nervous to step over passed-out rednecks to leave. However, if I was around people watching a race, then Earnhart was my man. I appreciated his honesty. He told you flat out that he would bump you out of the way. Nothing personal, you're just in my way. I wish I could do that on the interstate! I even had a poster of him from back when he was the rookie of the year and drove that blue and yellow Wrangler car. Wish I still had that one! In the past year or so, I've noticed how he had lightened up a bit. He joked around with people more and seemed to be just a happier person. Before the fatal race, I watched an interview with him by Terry Bradshaw. He took Terry for a thrill ride around the track that ended with the two of them jumping up and down on the car in a practice victory dance. Funny stuff in comparison to the gruff exterior he displayed for so many years. Kinda like watching the Quaker Oats guy, Wilford Brimley, doing standup comedy. It's such a drastic contrast that makes it so much funnier. But in a sport where you drive in circles at 200mph, you got to expect it to catch up with you at some point. While my sympathy is definitely with his family, I'm dismayed that the masses are so broken up over his death. It's been compared to the deaths of Diana, Elvis, Kennedy and countless others. I'm amazed how attached people become to images on a screen. In any case, racing will never be the same again for many people. Myself included.
Ginger Reece, Anthony's wife, is wondering why she isn't in the movie. Ya know, I haven't decided how I'm gonna make my own cameo appearance yet! Maybe... Nah... She has chosen Lucy Lawless to play her role. I have to say I would definitely go see this movie!
Random Rambling Reader Replies:
Anthony:
How about favorite Superbowl commercial? Mine was the Volkswagen in the tree. As far as 'girls gone wild' I believe all you see is upper extremity and it gets very boring (from what I've heard mind you). I perused your web site the other day and realized I haven't sent a photo. No you will not get a Duran Duran photo. I may scan the one on my desk. I did notice the majority look like the people they want to portray them, excluding you of course.Vanessa:
kef: What do you mean, 'excluding you'?
Jesus you crack me up. Does anything normal ever happen to you?Quote of the month: "Only a drug addict would use 'quail load' for a suicide" - Ted Nugent on Kurt Cobain's death
kef: That would be a negative. I don't believe normal exists. What people call normal is just weirdness that an individual believes is shared by a majority of people within their local geographical area. Anything going beyond that would be considered 'Standard'. The standard human has 10 fingers. Normal people don't have police showing up on their doorstep every 20 days on average.
I hope you enjoyed it and remember to bow towards Bristol when praying for a good art show to come to your town!
As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at: http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html