I've got one volunteer for the trip to see the Aurora (the northern lights), any more takers? Come on, it'll be a fun little adventure! Chris, you're halfway there, we can pick you up. Anybody have access to a RV that we could all pile in? I can only imagine this motley assortment, clamoring across the northeastern states, chanting "The lights, must see the lights..."
Want to have hours of fun while touring Wal-Mart? As if you need ways to entertain yourself, other than just being there and seeing the masses clamoring for their piece of the shit-pie! Place a couple boxes of condoms in the shopping cart of the elderly couple in front of you in the checkout line and watch their expressions when they find them. It's fairly easy to get away with and makes the trip seem worth your while. Suppositories in anybody's cart can be a hoot, too! There are always a couple of rednecks there with their litter. Each time one of the kids picks up a toy they want and the parents (??) make them put it back, pick it up, put it in your cart and smile real big at the kids. Also, make sure you leave a couple caffeine pills in the tray of the candy dispenser out front. You can color them with a magic-marker if you need to.
Congratulations go out to Vanessa! She has been selected to go to Las Vegas by her employer, to give speeches for the company where she is now employed! Vanessa sells vacation packages and they are pretty good deals. So if you want more information, let me know and I'll be glad to get the two of you in contact with one another. I wonder if she has any based on the Aurora? Hook us up Bon-bon!!
This weekend, it was pointed out to me that I've been in more than my share of unhealthy relationships. Thanks Marty, your such a pal! But for the sake of argument, let's figure out what exactly constitutes "Unhealthy". Personally, I feel that if I come away with knowledge about why it didn't work, then it is potentially healthy. If it gives me a better idea of what I'm looking for (or not looking for), then I've come away in better shape than what I was. It is true that I've learned a few of these lessons repeatedly, but sometimes I need a little reminder. What I really hate is the old "It's not you, it's me" line. When I receive this, it tells me nothing about what I was or wasn't, that the other person objected to. I'm not saying that I would have changed whatever this issue was, but it would be nice to know. I guess that sometimes, that is the only explanation available. I've been in the position where things just didn't feel right, but I couldn't figure out why. Under those circumstances, sometimes the "It's not you, it's me" line is all you really are able to come up with. It still sucks. One of my biggest desires it to continue to grow as a person. I think you can continue to do this throughout your life, and I want to always be aware of who I am. For now, I'm a rambling, travelling, caffeine addicted, loving, arrogant, depressed, disgusted, insecure, perverted, hypocritical, shy, cynic with a deep-rooted belief in the basic goodness of the individual and stupidity of the masses. I am my own oxymoron and I'm content with that. For now.
Here are a few replies to the Vol. 3 edition:
Shawna sent the following:
Okay, enough wondering about the website. What is this website and where can I find it??
kef: I'm glad you asked, the website is located at "http://www.3wave.com/kef/". It's a very basic, easy loading website. I figured that I'm wasting enough of your time as it is! The website gives me a starting location for my own browsing and centralizes the websites I design. It will now server as a storage area for these newsletters as well as various other written works. I'm tossing around the idea of short stories, but that remains to be seen. I do intend to move my poetry from the Entertainment section to the newsletter section. It kinda hide it originally, cause is was a little shy about sharing it. Now I figure you guys all know I'm a freak, so it doesn't really matter.
Debbie sent the following, in reply to Kevin's choice of actor
for the movie:
Sam Elliot is perfect, a little old perhaps but I do think he'll be able to pull off some of the best Slaughter lines
kef: While I agree that Mr. Elliot is both perfect and a little old, remember, realism in physical appearance is not necessary.
I've posted my procrastination essay online,
but it's not nearly as good as I remember it. If you decide to check
it out, remember that this was written over 8 years ago, while I was in
college and still living at home.
The movie cast is sounding pretty cool! Here
is the lineup so far:
Cuba Gooding Jr. - me
Sarah Michelle Geller - Vanessa
Julia Roberts - Debbie
Sam Elliott - Kevin
Brooke Shields - Kristi
Cameron Manheim (The Practice) - Lisa
Peter Sellers - Charlie
Helen Hunt - Brandy
These are the people I'm waiting to hear from and
possible suggestions:
Chris Slaughter - Christopher Walken or Sally Fields on large doses
of PCP!
Jeff Pruitt - Woody Harelson
Shawna Morrison - Samatha Mathis or Bridget Fonda
Leeann Kirby - Sissy Spacek or Sally Fields on large doses of PCP
Pat Corcoran - Billy Bob Thorton
Anthony Reece - Jim Carey simply because over exposure tends to get
on some people's nerves.
Lori LaClaire - Kyra Sedgwick
Marty Hicks - Minnie Driver or Sally Fields on large doses...
You get the idea.
Michelle Hayter - Janeane Garofalo
Cindy Wright - Jennifer Aniston
In any case, it looks like Sally Fields is getting all messed up and that is reason enough to buy a ticket!
Hope you all have a wonderful week!
As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html
Welcome to Random Rambling 5! No, I don't have any special affinity for the number 5. I realize that some of you are beginning to realize just how weird I am. I tried to warn you, but it's too late now!
I was watching Discovery tonight (surprise, surprise) when a show came on about doomsday cults. The very first thing it showed was a section of the suicide video letter left by a member who I was friends with. Some of you have heard me mention this person before. I was pretty freaked out about the whole thing.
You guys love to share embarrassing tidbits about one another! The other night, Debbie relayed stories about Marty's dog's gas problems! It seems that little Molly could clear a room! Sick!
On Halloween night in 1963, people went to the Indiana State Fair Coliseum to see the final showing of Holiday on Ice. Unfortunately, a faulty propane-powered popcorn machine explodes under the bleachers, and kills 74 people in the resulting fire. This is one of Indiana's worst ever man-made catastrophes. Damn you, Orville Redenbacher!
The Rant!!! I've come to believe that the absolute worse thing that can happen while driving is to get behind a U-Haul truck in the passing lane! Give me a break! Like those things are gonna pass anybody or anything! Everybody is whipping around you so fast that there is no chance of either of you getting in the other lane. And if, by some miracle, you happen to find a gap, where you can close your eyes and hurl the car into the other lane, you will open them only to find that the U-Freakin'-Haul has performed the exact same maneuver! This is when you realize that you have been damned to the U-Haul Highway of Hell! And, do not, under any circumstance, flip off the truck drivers! They got CB's and will radio all their good buddies ahead of you and generally make your time in their world an experience in aggravation. I would.
What's all this stuff about an election Tuesday? Who's running for what? I'm not even going to go into politics, so relax. They all scare me pretty much equally. All I really know is that Al wants to save the trees and George wants to cut them all down to make the paper to wrap the straws used to snort the coke... Just kiddin'!!
Well, I'm on the final stretch! This is the week that has Anthony and I travelling to Nashville for the Jeff Black Breakfast Hootenanny show and hopefully, I'll also be going to Chattanooga for a Floating Men show! What a crazy weekend! This should cure my wanderlust for a couple weeks. Maybe.
I've decided to name the following section, as it
looks to appear in each edition.
Reader Rambling Reader Replies:
Lisa Milburn wrote in with:
I may never be able to go in Wal-Mart again without pulling a prank -obviously your belief system includes the fact that God has a sense of humor!
kef: One word for ya, 'Platypus'. Can you look at this remarkable, venomous, egg-laying mammal and state that God does not have a sense of humor? Yes I know this is more than the prior mentioned 'One word', but I decided to go with the whole Rambling theme again.
Looks like I got a response from Anthony on the movie role:
I'm Carey?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? JIM FREAKING CAREY!!!!!!!!!????????????? Am I that bnoxious? I was thinking more along the lines of Charley Sheen. Or on a more serious note PeeWee Herman... OH LOOK!!!!!!!!! A RAMBLING!!!! (PeeWee style of course.)
kef: OK, OK!! Geez, chill out man, I changed it already. Check it out below.
Here is the latest on the movie role choices!
Leeann has agreed to the Sally Fields on PCP idea, so we got a sure-fire
box office smash on our hands!
Cuba Gooding Jr. - me
Sarah Michelle Geller - Vanessa
Julia Roberts - Debbie
Sam Elliott - Kevin
Brooke Shields - Kristi
Cameron Manheim (The Practice) - Lisa
Peter Sellers - Charlie
Helen Hunt - Brandy
Leeann Kirby - Sally Fields on large doses of PCP
Marty Hicks - Minnie Driver
These are the people I'm waiting to hear from and
possible suggestions:
Chris Slaughter - Christopher Walken
Jeff Pruitt - Woody Harelson
Maria Pruitt - Lisa Kudro
Beth Dolinger - Jennifer Lopez
Shawna Morrison - Samantha Mathis or Bridget Fonda
Pat Corcoran - Billy Bob Thorton
Anthony Reece - William Shatner
Lori LaClaire - Kyra Sedgwick
Michelle Hayter - Janeane Garofalo
Cindy Wright - Jennifer Aniston
This concludes yet another pointless... uh... thing. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you all have a wonderful week!
As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html
It's Random Rambling 6! I'm back from Nashville and ready to rant, ramble and generally run my mouth about whatever comes to mind! So prepare yourselves for yet another fine adventure... and be sure to let me know when and where you find it!
The trip to Nashville was great! Anthony got to experience his first taste of live music in a club setting. Mr. Black did not disappoint, but let's start with the trip down. The new "3 Doors Down" CD made for some good travelling music. Thanks Debbie for letting us borrow it! 3 hours into the trip, Anthony decides to practice playing guitar, so I'm sure we got some interesting looks from the other motorists. We arrived in Nashville with plenty of time to spare, so we went looking for our hotel. According to Travelocity.com, it was called the Nashville Downtown. After three trips up and down the main street, looking for the Nashville Downtown, we pulled into the parking lot for the Clubhouse Inn and called the number for our hotel to get directions. The directions were to get out of the car and come inside. I have since double-checked and found no mention of the Clubhouse Inn associated with our reservations. Thank you, Travelocity, for making us feel even more like idiots than normal. So we checked in and proceeded across town to check out the sites, but I kinda forgot some of the street names and we ended up backtracking to the club for the free happy-hour show. The main show for the night started around 10 and what a show it was! Jeff and his piano player, Jody Nardone, messed with one another all night and generally kicked much ass. At midnight, the breakfast hootenanny consisted of breakfast food and 4 singer songwriters with acoustic guitars, taking turns on stage. Very laid back performances, but very enjoyable. Afterward, Anthony understood why I was willing to travel 4+ hours for a show. Got to hang out with Lisa and Kissy some too. Lisa and Jeff gave us a hard time about deciding to skip the Floating Men in Chattanooga the next night, but I caved in to everyone telling me how nuts I was for travelling that much in one weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I caved. I'm getting old. I realized how much flack I was gonna get over this one, the moment the decision was made. Anyway, we got back to my place around 6:30pm on Saturday. We got a late start cause I just had to go back by the Discovery Channel store. At least this time I spent less than a car payment! I did get a nice fountain, a cool little chime and a little book of Chinese proverbs to clutter up my bookshelf with. "Disease enters the mouth; disaster leaves from it". Oh how true it is. In any case, my need to jump in the car and drive has been abated for the moment. I'm taking tomorrow off work to give the car a good wash and wax before winter sets in completely. Yeah, right. I'll be lucky if it rains enough to get some of the dirt off.
Congratulations to Pat on his acceptance of a new/old job! The company he previously worked for in Burlington, NC has contacted him and made an offer he "couldn't refuse". I guess this will allow you to venture even further into the stock market!
I started watching American Beauty, but I couldn't handle it. Too weird for even me! I thought it was supposed to be some great award winning movie, but it just got on my nerves. I feel like renting La Femme Nikita again. It's a foreign flick with subtitles, but one of the better ones. There's an idea! Everyone send in a list of their top 5 movies. I'm certain we'll get an interesting list from this group!
Reader Rambling Reader Replies:
Debbie replied with:
"Of all things to remember you bring up Marti's dog, do you know how many lifetimes I'm not gonna hear the end of this?"
kef: I got an idea, but I've not heard from her, so I guess you get to take the brunt of it!
Chris Slaughter chimes in:
"On Casting: The Christopher Walken suggestion is pretty good. I am leaning more, however, toward Billy Bob Thorton. I figure it's the only way I'll ever get to sleep with Angelina Jolie... Or I think maybe Sarah Michele Gellar"... "On The Northern Lights Expedition: I'm there, pal. Just come on by the house. I'll have the cooler packed"...
kef: Well, Sara Michelle has been taken, so I'll put you down as Billy Bob Thorton until further notice.
Jeff says:
"As far as the picks for the movies; Marie would like Marisa Torme (or however you spell her name) and I have two ideas if you can not get Jim Breuer would be my first choice however if he is not available my next choice would be Herve Villechaize."
kef: I know I said physical resemblance doesn't matter for your choices, but I do feel that it is necessary for the actor to still be living. So despite your fondness for calling people "master", I'm gonna have to rule out Herve. As for Jim Breuer, I don't know who he is, so I'll assume that he is still among the living.
Pat writes:
"Who the hell is Billy Bob Thornton?????? Thinking more of Iggy!!! He doesn't have to act, just look bad!"
kef: I'm all for Iggy! He has appeared in a few movies and done a fine job as I remember. Billy Bob Thorton was Carl in Sling Blade and the mission control guy in Armageddon, but my favorite movie of his was Home Grown. If you get a chance, rent it, it's funny as hell!
Charlie as been released from jail and replied with:
"Your nit-wit little Wal-Mart prank (as contained in Ramblings #4) has cost me a night in jail and a sore groin from being kicked there by the little old lady who didn't want to buy the rubbers, but apparently knew where they go. You will be hearing from my attorney. Punk. As far as my lovely wife being portrayed by Puffy Combs' slutty little piece of ass, Jennifer Lopez, I am all for it, but Beth seems to think Barbara Bush would be a better choice (just in case her parents go to see the movie). Or that fat broad with the blue eye shadow from the Drew Carey Show."
kef: Ok, I think it's just so very very wrong for Barbara Bush to appear in my movie, but I can see no valid reason to veto the choice and there is no way on God's great big green and blue Earth that the blue eye shadow lady from the Drew Carey Show is gonna be in it! No, no, no, no, no... Not even on large doses of PCP!
Here is the latest on the movie role choices!
Me - Cuba Gooding Jr.
Vanessa Perrson - Sarah Michelle Geller
Leeann Kirby - Sally Fields on large doses of PCP
Debbie Whited - Julia Roberts
Kevin Slaughter - Sam Elliott
Kristi Slaughter - Brooke Shields
Lisa Milburn - Cameron Manheim (The Practice)
Charlie Dolinger - Peter Sellers
Beth Dolinger - Barbara Bush
Brandy Hicks - Helen Hunt
Marty Hicks - Minnie Driver
Anthony Reece - Charley Sheen
Shawna Morrison - Samantha Mathis
Chris Slaughter - Billy Bob Thorton
Jeff Pruitt - Jim Breuer
Maria Pruitt - Marisa Tomei
Pat Corcoran - Iggy Pop
These are the people I'm waiting to hear from and
possible suggestions:
Lori LaClaire - Kyra Sedgwick
Michelle Hayter - Janeane Garofalo
Cindy Wright - Jennifer Aniston
Until our next little jaunt through the fields of boredom. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you all have a wonderful week!
As always, certain portions will be edited from the version archived to my website, which is located at http://www.kefields.com/randramb.html